Welcome to The Subtle Shift, a weekly newsletter where I share small but powerful ideas to help you lead with clarity, inspire change, and create a lasting impact. This week’s issue focuses on seven subtle acts of kindness. If you are tired of cruelty and ready to be a catalyst for kindness, forward this to others and invite them to join the community here.
7 Subtle Acts of Kindness
Have you ever noticed how the world can feel cruel sometimes? Blatant acts of cruelty—harsh words, outright lies, or public betrayals—are easy to spot. But the more insidious kind of cruelty—the type that does the most damage—is subtle. Dismissing someone’s perspective, making accusations without all the facts, twisting the truth, and using nonverbal cues like an eye roll or a shrug all hurt our relationships. These aren’t overtly malicious, but over time, they can erode trust and connection.
We’re seeing this subtle cruelty everywhere. It has taken over our national politics, where divisive rhetoric deepens our divides. It permeates our society, where social media amplifies judgment and disdain. It is even prevalent in our local communities, homes, and workplaces, where unchecked behaviors chip away at relationships.
We have to do something about this cruelty. And that something starts with each of us.
Turning Cruelty Into Kindness
The hard truth is that we all can be cruel, even if we don’t intend to be. But we also can be profoundly kind. When we recognize how subtle acts—cruel or kind—shape the world around us, we can begin to make small, intentional shifts in our behavior that create meaningful, lasting change.
Here are seven subtle acts of kindness that you can practice today to counter the quiet cruelty we see and feel.
1. Appreciate the Person, Not Just What They Do
It’s easy to thank someone for their contributions, but it’s far more impactful to appreciate who they are as a person. I realized this while listening to Donald Miller’s Building a StoryBrand podcast. At the end of nearly every episode, he would say to his guest: “I appreciate you.” He didn’t appreciate that he appreciated their “time” or their “insights”—he appreciated them.
This subtle phrasing felt unconditional and powerful, a reminder that people deserve appreciation simply for who they are, not just for what they do.
2. Give People Space
Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is step back and trust someone. Giving people space shows confidence in their abilities and respects their autonomy.
I saw this in action when a client was overwhelmed with a big project. Instead of stepping in and taking over, her CEO simply said, “I trust you—you’ve got this.” Those words gave her the room to breathe, think, and succeed on her terms.
3. Listen to Listen
We often listen with the intent to reply, not to truly understand. Shifting your focus to listening without an agenda is one of the most subtle yet impactful acts of kindness.
I’ll never forget a mentor who listened during a stressful moment in my career. He didn’t overwhelm me with advice or interruptions—he just sat with me and listened. By reflecting on what I said, he helped me feel heard and understood in a rare and incredibly helpful way.
4. Ask Supportive Questions
Supportive questions have a way of empowering others without imposing solutions. They invite reflection and show that you’re invested in someone’s growth.
I remember a leader who once asked me during a challenging situation: “What’s one step you think you could take to move forward?” That simple, thoughtful question shifted my perspective and gave me the clarity I needed to act.
5. Offer Simple Suggestions
Sometimes, when people feel stuck, the most helpful thing you can do is offer a gentle nudge. It’s not a detailed plan—just a simple, actionable idea to help them regain momentum.
Years ago, a teammate told me during a hectic week: “Why don’t we start with the easiest task first?” It was such a small suggestion, but it completely shifted how I approached the rest of my work.
6. Remind Gently
We all forget things from time to time, and a kind reminder can help someone stay on track without feeling criticized.
A former coworker had a way of reminding others in the gentlest tone: “Just a quick heads-up—we’re still waiting for your feedback on this. Let me know if you need any help.” It was a subtle, supportive way of keeping things on track without creating tension.
7. Speak Positively of Others When They’re Absent
What you say about people when they’re not in the room matters. Speaking positively about others in their absence builds trust and reinforces a culture of respect.
I once heard a manager in a meeting say, “I just want to recognize Sarah’s hard work—she’s been a key part of this project’s success.” Sarah wasn’t there to hear it, but the goodwill it generated among the team was palpable.
The Bottom Line
Cruelty, even in its subtlest forms, creates division and mistrust. Kindness builds bridges and restores connections, even in its smallest acts.
This week, reflect on these questions:
- How can you incorporate subtle acts of kindness into your leadership and relationships?
- Which of these seven acts resonates with you the most, and why? Please reply to this email to let me know.
Leadership isn’t just about the big moves—it’s about the small, subtle shifts that make others feel seen, supported, and valued. Let’s commit to countering cruelty with kindness, one subtle act at a time.
Here’s to leading with kindness and creating a lasting impact.
