Welcome to The Subtle Shift, a weekly newsletter where I share subtle but powerful ideas to help you lead with clarity, inspire change, and create a lasting impact. This week, we’re discussing feedback, which is one of the most essential leadership skills we fail to develop.
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The Leadership Skill Most Leaders Avoid
I’ve been thinking about feedback lately and how leaders often avoid it until it’s too late.
We wait for a better time.
We tell ourselves we’ll bring it up later.
We believe we need to wait for a moment when the problem is clearer or the timing feels right.
But by the time we finally say something, the stakes are higher, emotions are charged, and the problem has festered. The conversation ends up feeling like a big, bold confrontation instead of a simple course correction.
I recently spoke with a leader who admitted, “I kept putting it off because I didn’t want to make it awkward. But when I finally sat down with my employee, I over-explained everything, pissed him off, and the message got lost.”
That’s the trap.
We think waiting will make feedback easier, but it makes it more challenging. And when we finally do speak up, we tend to ramble, sugarcoat, or pile on backstory that either offends or dilutes the point.
Here’s why this matters.
Feedback isn’t just about fixing problems. It’s about helping people grow. It’s about reinforcing what’s working and correcting what’s not, before minor issues become major ones. When done well, feedback creates clarity, strengthens trust, and fosters a culture where people know what’s expected of them.
Think about it this way: if the only time you give feedback is when something goes wrong, your people will brace for bad news every time you open your mouth. But if you make feedback a regular practice (quick, specific, and balanced between positive and constructive) it stops being scary and becomes a regular part of how we operate..
The best leaders I know don’t save feedback for annual reviews. They build it into the rhythm of their leadership. Thirty seconds here, one minute there. They have short conversations that compound over time.
This Week’s Subtle Shift
Feedback is not about proving you’re right. It’s about making it easy for someone else to succeed.
When you see it that way, you stop over-explaining, you stop labeling, and you start holding up a mirror. You tell the other person: “Here’s what I saw, here’s the impact, and here’s what I’m asking for.” That’s it.
If you want to lead at a higher level, this is a habit worth mastering.
I wrote a comprehensive article breaking this down, which you can read here. The article includes a simple 4-step formula you can start using today to give better feedback. You’ll see examples of what to say (and what not to say), as well as how to use the same structure for positive reinforcement, so that feedback builds trust instead of fear.
I hope you will read the full article: How to Give Feedback as a Leader (Without Rambling, Sugarcoating, or Making it Awkward) and share it with anyone else who struggles with this challenging leadership responsibility.
The sooner you start, the easier it gets. Don’t wait until the stakes are high.
One Question to Reflect On:
What feedback are you avoiding?
What would happen if you mustered up the courage to go give that feedback? I think you’ll lead change more effectively!
