Welcome to The Subtle Shift, a weekly newsletter where I share small but powerful ideas to help you lead with clarity, inspire change, and create a lasting impact. This week’s issue is about a leadership trap that’s easy to fall into—especially for high achievers and strong thinkers. It’s the desire to be right. And it comes with a hidden cost.
The Urge to Prove a Point
We all like to be right. It feels good. It reinforces our intelligence, our experience, and our sense of control. And in leadership, being right can sometimes feel like the job—after all, people are looking to you for answers.
But I’ve learned this the hard way:
Being right isn’t what matters most. Being effective is.
In fact, I’ve seen plenty of smart, capable leaders undermine their impact—not because they lacked knowledge or skill, but because they prioritized being right over being effective.
They won the argument.
But lost the trust.
They proved their point.
But missed the moment.
What’s the Real Cost?
When being right becomes the goal, here’s what often gets sacrificed:
- Collaboration – People stop contributing when they know the leader will always have the final (and only) say.
- Creativity – Innovation dries up when dissenting ideas are dismissed or steamrolled.
- Trust – Relationships fray when team members feel shut down, corrected, or unheard.
And maybe most concerning:
- Self-awareness – The more committed you are to your version of the truth, the less curious you become about perspectives that might challenge or enrich it.
That’s the real cost of being right.
A Better Question
So here’s a question I’ve started asking myself—and I now encourage other leaders to ask:
Do I want to be right, or do I want to be effective?
Sometimes, they overlap.
But not always.
Because being effective often requires listening instead of speaking.
Curiosity instead of certainty.
Humility instead of control.
Three Subtle Shifts to Help with This Challenge
If you recognize yourself in this (and let’s be honest, we all have our moments), here are three subtle shifts that can help:
Shift #1: From Proving to Exploring
Instead of trying to prove you’re right, invite others to explore the issue with you.
Try this:
- “Here’s how I think about it—what am I missing?”
- “That’s a good point. Let’s dig into both perspectives and see what emerges.”
This shift transforms a debate into a dialogue. It creates psychological safety and opens space for new insight to surface.
Shift #2: From Certainty to Curiosity
Certainty feels strong. But curiosity is much more powerful.
Being curious doesn’t make you look weak—it makes you look wise. It shows that you’re grounded enough in yourself to let go of the need to control every outcome.
Try this:
- “Can you help me understand how you’re seeing this?”
- “I hadn’t considered that. Tell me more.”
These are subtle moves. But they create significant shifts in tone, trust, and team dynamics.
Shift #3: From Winning to Connecting
Sometimes, we push to be right because we think we’re helping—protecting the team from risk or ensuring the “best” idea wins. But in doing so, we can miss the deeper opportunity: connection.
Try this:
- When you feel the urge to correct or override, pause and ask: “Is this about being helpful—or being right?”
Then, make a conscious choice. Sometimes, the best leadership move is stepping back and letting someone else shine—even if their idea isn’t perfect.
Why It Matters
Being right might win the moment.
But being effective wins long-term trust, loyalty, and results.
The best leaders I know don’t lead with ego. They lead with presence. They stay grounded, curious, and clear—not because they always have the answers, but because they know how to hold space for the correct answers to emerge.
So this week, ask yourself:
- Where am I holding too tightly to being right?
- How might I shift from controlling to connecting?
- What would it look like to lead with curiosity instead of certainty?
Here’s to a week of open minds, strong connections, and the subtle shifts that help you lead with wisdom—not just answers.
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