Have you ever noticed how some of the things that make us successful can also get in our way?
The ability to analyze quickly, think ahead, and control outcomes through preparation is one of those things.
Thinking ahead is useful, but at the next level of leadership, your impact is no longer determined by how ahead of everything you are.
Your impact is determined by how powerfully you can stay present inside a situation.
The difference between staying ahead and being present is subtle, but critical. Presence in conversation shifts performance from compliance to commitment. If you want greater influence and real buy-in, you must make this shift.
I recently heard Tony Robbins say, “If you’re in your head, you’re dead,” and the line struck me as more than a linguistic piece of stage energy. In leadership, being in your head doesn’t just mean you’re thinking; it means you’re no longer present to what is actually unfolding in front of you. You’re no longer listening for what’s real because you’re too busy running scenarios about what might happen. You’re working through a conversation the way a chess player works through a game. You’re calculating moves, anticipating counters, and trying to outmaneuver the person sitting across from you.
But leadership isn’t a game of chess.
Contrary to what many “strategy gurus” want you to believe, Chess isn’t the best metaphor for leadership.
Many of the leaders I work with are very strong analytically, and that skill has served them well for years. I’ll bet many of them would kick ass at chess. Their analytical capabilities let them spot patterns, assess risks, and think strategically about complex systems. They have a nack for getting ahead of things.
But when that analytical mindset takes over conversations, it can quietly hurt relationships and reduce the value of their skill. Leaders may believe planning ahead drives outcomes, but they need to consider the downside. Thinking ahead can cause defensiveness and limit possibilities.
There is something in our human nature that wants to argue with the person who is overprepared and thinks they know it all. We find those people to be arrogant, annoying, and incredibly smothering. We don’t like being around them because they are too certain, and that certainty turns to hubris.
Instead of trying to control the outcome, what if we paid attention to what’s really happening right now? What would happen if we moved from a state of certainty to a state of curiosity? What if you were entering into conversations without needing to control every detail? What if you asked honest, straightforward questions and actually listened?
I know that kind of stance may feel slower, or like a waste of time, but it isn’t. Curiosity and openness result in much less rework downstream and pay off greatly in the long run. Relationships, teamwork, and outcomes improve when we let go of our need to control.
So here is the subtle shift for this week:
Stop playing chess and start being present.
You don’t build that kind of presence by trying to “turn off” your thinking. That never works, especially for people whose success has been built on their ability to think well.
You build it by redirecting your attention.
When you walk into your next important conversation, notice the moment you start rehearsing your next line while the other person is still talking. Notice the urge to predict where the discussion is going so you can get there faster. Notice how quickly you move from listening to positioning, and stop yourself!
Presence is simpler and it is superior to strategy.
When you are willing to be influenced by what you are hearing, people feel the difference immediately.
When you are fully present, they don’t have to push to be heard. They don’t have to defend their position push against yours. The energy of the conversation changes from cautious and political to open and creative. Instead of trying to win the exchange, both of you start trying to solve the problem.
That is where true commitment and real leadership begin.
