Welcome to The Subtle Shift, a weekly newsletter where I share small but powerful ideas to help you lead with clarity, inspire change, and create a lasting impact. This week’s issue is about repairing relationships. If a relationship at work has gone off the rails—and performance is suffering because of it—it isn’t too late. Repair is possible. And it might be the key to turning things around.
When the Tension Lingers
We’ve all been there.
A conversation went sideways.
Trust was broken.
Expectations weren’t met.
Something happened—and ever since, things have felt…off.
Now, there’s tension in your one-on-ones.
Deadlines are slipping.
Performance is dipping.
And neither of you is saying what really needs to be said.
I’ve worked with countless leaders who find themselves in this exact spot. They care about the person. They want to move forward. But they don’t know how to address the damage without making it worse.
So they do what most of us do when something’s uncomfortable.
They avoid it and run into a hard truth:
Unrepaired relationships almost always lead to underperformance.
If the relationship is strained, the results will follow.
What Gets Damaged Must Be Repaired
When trust breaks down, people don’t speak up as freely.
They don’t try as hard.
They stop sharing ideas.
They go quiet.
And even if they’re still showing up physically, something emotional is missing.
Here’s the good news: Relationships don’t need to be perfect to be productive. But they do need to be intentional. And when something’s broken, the first move is repair.
Not retreat.
Not forcing the results.
But going back to the foundation—and reinforcing what matters most.
This Week’s Subtle Shift: Reconnect Before You Redirect
One of the most effective shifts you can make as a leader is simple:
Before you talk about results, reconnect the relationship.
This is especially important when someone is underperforming. Your instinct might be to tighten the screws—to lay down expectations, remind them what’s on the line, push for improvement.
But if the relationship is fractured, that pressure will only widen the gap.
Instead, try the following three steps:
1. Acknowledge the Tension
The first move is simply naming what’s there. You don’t need to over-explain or dig up every issue. Just acknowledge that things feel off.
Say this:
- “I’ve noticed some tension between us lately, and I don’t want to ignore it.”
- “It seems like we’re not quite in sync right now. Can we talk about it?”
That moment of naming the dynamic is often enough to open the door.
2. Own Your Part
Even if you didn’t cause the breakdown, take ownership of your role in it. You may have been less available. Your feedback may have been too sharp. You may have avoided a complicated conversation for too long.
Owning your part doesn’t make you weak. It makes you credible.
Say this:
- “I realize I haven’t checked in as much lately, which may have contributed to some distance.”
- “I could have handled that conversation better. I want to do that differently in the future.”
When you go first, you create space for others to do the same.
3. Recommit to the Work—Together
Once the air is cleared, shift gently back to the work. Ask how they’re feeling and what they need. What would help them move forward?
Then co-create a path forward. Not by dictating expectations—but by building alignment.
Say this:
- “How are you feeling about the work right now?”
- “What would help us get back to a strong rhythm?”
This final step is how you move from relationship repair to results reignited.
Why It Matters
You don’t need to have perfect chemistry with every person you lead. But if the relationship is damaged, the results will always suffer.
Repair isn’t a detour from performance. It’s the fastest way back to it.
So this week, ask yourself:
- Is there someone on my team from whom I feel disconnected?
- What conversation have I been avoiding?
- What small step could I take to repair the relationship and reignite results?
Here’s to a week of reconnection, realignment, and subtle shifts that bring your team back to life.
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