Welcome to The Subtle Shift, a weekly newsletter where I share subtle but powerful ideas to help you lead with clarity, inspire change, and create a lasting impact. This week, we’re discussing how to lead with presence.
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How to Lead with Presence
Last week, I was thinking about a concept one of my mentors shared with me years ago.
She told me that the person in the room with the lowest heart rate is likely the strongest leader.
This got me thinking about how to lead with presence and a truth that most leaders overlook:
Real power comes from presence, not pressure.
I’m sure we’ve all seen it before. We’ve witnessed the leader who must always speak first, talk the loudest, and talk the longest. They dominate the room, issue rapid-fire commands, and leave little space for others to think, let alone contribute.
And yet… they don’t actually hold much influence. Learning how to lead with presence, rather than pressure, changes this dynamic.
Why? Because pressure may create compliance, but it doesn’t create commitment.
Genuine commitment stems from leadership that strikes a balance between composure and conviction, and that is the kind of presence people want from their leaders.
Reflecting made me realize that there is a subtle shift in this example.
Instead of leading like a firefighter, frantically scanning for what’s wrong and putting out fires, lead like a lighthouse that is calm, grounded, and steady. As a leader, you need to shine and let others orient around you, demonstrating how to lead with presence.
However, one of the things that prevents people from doing this is a fear of appearing passive. They think that sitting in silence or being too patient will hurt their effectiveness, but nothing could be further from the truth. Presence, or at least the strongest type of presence, feels like intentional stillness. It’s knowing when not to speak, when not to react, when to sit in the pause and let others rise.
If you’re wondering how to lead with presence, here’s a quick model I use with my clients to show it in action:
The Presence Matrix
If you want to be an impressive leader, aim for that fourth quadrant. Mastering how to lead with presence means influence flows naturally.
One of my clients, a vice president in a building management company, used to run every meeting like a military operation. She talked first, pushed hard, and always had the answer. But her team kept pulling back, and everything was boiling up to her to the point where she became a bottleneck.
We worked on her presence, and I encouraged her to listen more, speak less, and regulate her energy before high-stakes conversations. After months of practice, everything changed. Her team began contributing more, taking ownership of initiatives, and embracing accountability. She was shocked by how much her team stepped up and even more surprised to realize she no longer needed to force her ideas. She just needed to hold the room, understanding how to lead with presence instead.
And if you’ve ever watched a quiet leader drop one thoughtful insight that stops the noise and shifts the entire conversation, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
This Week’s Subtle Shift
If you want to learn how to lead with presence, try starting with your next meeting. Use a little less pressure and a lot more calm, intentional presence. Pause before you speak. Listen intently. Let silence stretch. Sit still. See what happens.
It’s not always easy, but understanding how to lead with presence is far more effective.
One Question to Reflect On:
Where do you tend to lead with pressure, and what would it look like to learn how to lead with presence instead?
You might be surprised by how much more power you have when you stop trying to use it.
