Welcome to The Subtle Shift, a weekly newsletter where I share small but powerful ideas to help you lead with clarity, inspire change, and create a lasting impact. This week’s issue concerns integrity and a subtle shift in how we view it. If someone forwarded this to you and you find it valuable, you can join the community here.
What is Integrity?
Most people think of integrity as simply “doing the right thing.” But in an interview on The Knowledge Project podcast, Jim Dethmer offers a more profound take: Integrity isn’t just about ethics; it’s about wholeness. The word itself comes from integer—meaning whole, undivided.
When living with integrity, you’re not just aligned with your values—you’re fully alive and whole. Jim encourages us to think of ourselves like an old-fashioned string of Christmas lights that would go out if one bulb were busted. Like that string of lights, if one part of you—your thoughts, emotions, or actions—is out of alignment, the whole system dims, and you fall out of integrity.
The Four Shifts That Help Maintain Integrity
So, how can we maintain integrity?
According to Katie Hendricks, four key practices determine whether you’re living with integrity—or leaking energy:
Practice #1: Shifting From Blame to Radical Responsibility
The fastest way to dull your aliveness is to blame others.
Blaming others, circumstances, or “bad luck” saps your energy. It places the source of your experience outside of you and makes you feel powerless.
Integrity means reclaiming your role as the creator of your experience. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” shift to: “How am I choosing to respond?”
Try this: Notice one thing you’re blaming someone (or something) for today—and take full ownership instead. See how your energy shifts.
Practice #2: Shifting From Suppression to Feeling Your Feelings
Most people suppress emotions, thinking it keeps them in control. But holding back feelings is like keeping beach balls underwater—it takes enormous effort. Eventually, you get exhausted.
Dethmer suggests asking every morning: “Is there a feeling here that wants to be felt?”
When you ask this question and feel the feelings you’re suppressing, you’ll free up energy you didn’t even realize was stuck.
Try this: Take three minutes daily to ask: What am I feeling? Permit yourself to feel without judgment.
Practice #3: Shifting From Withholding to Radical Candor
Jim says that if you want to dim your energy, start accumulating withholds.
Withholds are the things we don’t say—the small truths we avoid, the unspoken tensions in relationships, the moments we hold back instead of revealing. Every withhold shrinks our presence and connection.
Great teams (and great leaders) have very few withholds. They say what needs to be said, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Try this: What’s one thing you’ve been avoiding saying? Consider saying it today with care and honesty.
Practice #4: Shifting From Excuses to Impeccable Agreements
Broken agreements are a subtle energy drain.
An agreement is anything you say you will (or won’t) do. Every time you make vague promises, miss deadlines, or justify why you didn’t follow through, you leak energy.
Instead of rationalizing why you didn’t keep an agreement, own it. Then, either recommit—or consciously renegotiate.
Try this: Audit your commitments. Where are you out of integrity? Either follow through or reset the expectation.
Integrity Is a Practice, Not a Destination
The biggest energy drain in our lives isn’t always the obvious things—like stress, overwork, or external obstacles. More often than not, it’s the subtle ways we fall out of integrity. When we blame others, suppress emotions, avoid tough conversations, and break small commitments, we rob ourselves of energy, clarity, and momentum.
If you’ve ever feel stuck, exhausted, or like you’re spinning your wheels without real progress, this might be why. Integrity isn’t just about doing the right thing—it’s about staying whole, aligned, and fully alive.
And that is a subtle distinction worth paying attention to.
