Welcome to The Subtle Shift, a weekly newsletter where I share small but powerful ideas to help you lead with clarity, inspire change, and create a lasting impact. This week’s issue is about something every leader has to navigate: the delicate balance between focusing on results and building strong relationships.
A Delicate Balancing Act
Have you ever noticed how different people prioritize results while others prioritize relationships? Some view these as mutually exclusive goals where they must give up one to have the other, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Great leaders understand that they don’t have to sacrifice relationships to get results and vice versa.
They easily manage the tension and move between accountability and empathy with poise and grace. They have a knack for being clear and compassionate, firm and flexible, and direct and subtle, and they do so with intention.
Great leaders don’t always perfectly balance results and relationships, but they get it right a heck of a lot more than they get it wrong. They developed a capability to read the room and make subtle shifts that create a positive experience for those who lead.
I’ve had the privilege of working with hundreds of leaders over the years, and the best ones always know how to dance along the spectrum.
A Masterclass in Balance
One of my clients—let’s call her Sue to protect her identity—does this incredibly well.
I’ve seen Sue effortlessly shift her behaviors from results-focused to relationship-focused throughout a single day. She leads a fast-paced, high-performing team with bold goals. But what makes her stand out isn’t just the outcomes she drives—it’s how she does it.
Not long ago, I watched her navigate a situation where a key team member missed an immediate deadline.
Most leaders at this moment would have defaulted to frustration, criticism, or emotional distance.
But not Sue.
She held the person accountable—clearly and directly—and then offered comfort and care in the very same conversation in a way that left the entire team feeling respected, seen, and motivated.
Watching Sue handle the moment was a masterclass in subtle shifts.
What Sue Did Differently
Here’s what Sue did—and didn’t do—that made all the difference:
She named the issue calmly.
“We missed the mark here, and I know we were counting on you to deliver. That’s not something we can overlook”
She didn’t sugarcoat or soften the accountability. She was clear, direct, and steady.
She asked a curious, non-judgmental question.
“Help me understand what got in the way.”
This wasn’t a trap. It was an invitation. It gave the person space to be honest without fear.
She acknowledged the emotional toll.
“I can tell this is weighing on you. You seem really frustrated with yourself.”
That simple acknowledgment was disarming—and it created a connection.
She offered support without rescuing.
“What would help you get back on track? Let’s talk about what needs to shift”
Instead of jumping in to solve the problem for them, she coached them toward their next move.
She stayed steady and composed.
Sue didn’t waver between moods. She held the tension between high standards and human empathy—without swinging too far to either side.
The result? The conversation was productive, honest, and energizing.
No one was discouraged.
Everyone felt clearer.
What This Means for You
Every leader has moments where they believe they have to make a choice:
Do I double down on results—or tend to the relationship?
But the truth is, you don’t have to choose.
With awareness and intention, you can subtly and skillfully shift between both.
So this week, ask yourself:
- Where am I leaning too heavily right now—results or relationships?
- What would it look like to hold both with more intention?
- How can I create conversations that are both clear and kind?
Leadership isn’t an activity where we must choose between mutually exclusive options.
It’s a dance along a spectrum with multiple options that you get to choose from.
Here’s to a week of better choices, stronger results, deeper relationships, and the subtle shifts that help you lead more effectively.
