Have you ever noticed how sometimes the harder you try, the worse things get?
That was me on the golf course last summer.
Round after round, I was grinding, practicing, analyzing, replaying every swing in my head.
I’d show up early, stay late, and hit extra balls.
Effort was never the issue, but my game kept unraveling.
Every shot felt forced. Every mistake felt heavier than it should’ve.
The more I tried to fix it, the tighter I got, and the tighter I got, the worse I performed.
After one particularly rough round, I stood on the 18th green staring at another missed putt and thought: what the hell am I doing?
I wasn’t just tired. I was tense, distracted, and frustrated.
All that effort… and for what?
That’s when it hit me.
My effort was getting in the way.
I wasn’t playing golf anymore. I was trying to manage golf.
Every swing was a project plan, and every mistake was a post-mortem.
Somewhere along the way, I’d squeezed out the joy, the trust, and the feel that make the game work.
This reminded me of leadership, where there’s a fine line between discipline and overcontrol. Have you ever noticed how being focused can shift into being fixated? Have you ever realized how having a goal can turn into pressing too hard?
When you’re constantly analyzing, pushing, and correcting, you lose the very thing that drives performance.
So back to golf…
Once I stopped obsessing over every swing thought and started playing with trust again, everything changed. The ball started flying straighter. My tempo returned. Putts started finding the hole, and I enjoyed the game again.
Isn’t that something…
The less I tried, the better I performed.
If you lead a team, manage a business, or hold yourself to a high standard, this lesson matters because relentless effort looks productive, but often it’s a sign of inner tension. It usually masks our unresolved fear of failure, need for control, or lack of trust; and keeps us from performing at our best.
Effort is valuable. But without ease, it can backfire.
So here’s a subtle shift to consider:
Notice where you’re gripping too tightly or trying to micromanage outcomes.
Then, loosen your grip, take a deep breath, and metaphorically play the shot that’s in front of you.
You might be surprised at how well things flow when you stop trying so hard.
